Ok, so my job gives me the opportunity to meet some big name pastors and speakers. Recently I met the pastor of a very large congregation that numbers in the thousands. He has a remarkable story, and is in many ways a very nice guy. But in another sense he was completely narcissistic. He talked incessantly about himself. He was as high maintenance a person I've ever worked with in my position. He brought his own entourage of people, who constantly told him how great he was. It was rather sickening really. But the saddest part of all was that he was completely oblivious to how self absorbed he was. When i asked him about his children he spoke with regret, as he explained that his relationship with his children is strained and that they had difficulty "sharing" him with the world.
Talking to this individual for 40 minutes was a deeply spiritual experience for me. It was spiritual because I saw myself. Not who i was, but who i was on my way to becoming. It was as if God gave me a kind of George Bailey kind of glimpse into what I would have been like had i stayed in pastoral ministry. And it was an ugly picture.
For the first time i can remember i experienced gratitude for not being a pastor anymore. For the first time i saw with a certain measure of clarity what a public life and persona was doing to my soul. It made me wonder if it was possible to be a successful pastor of a large congregation without being squeezed into that kind of mold. I realized how much more self aware i am now than i was then. It was a deeply spiritual experience.
As we parted after the event, this pastor told me if i ever needed to talk to a pastor to call him and he'd make sure i made it past his administrative assistant to meet with him. I smiled and thanked him, thinking to myself that he wouldn't even be on my top ten list of people to call should i need pastoral guidance. Before i would have been enamored with his position, with his prestige, and impressed. Now i was just sad for him and his family, and grateful for myself.
It made me think of this song by Dashboard Confessional
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WoJV4NLxqg
Talking to this individual for 40 minutes was a deeply spiritual experience for me. It was spiritual because I saw myself. Not who i was, but who i was on my way to becoming. It was as if God gave me a kind of George Bailey kind of glimpse into what I would have been like had i stayed in pastoral ministry. And it was an ugly picture.
For the first time i can remember i experienced gratitude for not being a pastor anymore. For the first time i saw with a certain measure of clarity what a public life and persona was doing to my soul. It made me wonder if it was possible to be a successful pastor of a large congregation without being squeezed into that kind of mold. I realized how much more self aware i am now than i was then. It was a deeply spiritual experience.
As we parted after the event, this pastor told me if i ever needed to talk to a pastor to call him and he'd make sure i made it past his administrative assistant to meet with him. I smiled and thanked him, thinking to myself that he wouldn't even be on my top ten list of people to call should i need pastoral guidance. Before i would have been enamored with his position, with his prestige, and impressed. Now i was just sad for him and his family, and grateful for myself.
It made me think of this song by Dashboard Confessional
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WoJV4NLxqg
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